Greetings from my front edge of figuring out how to give myself permission to find myself worthy. Recently I've moved to Scotland (you can follow along with that adventure if you are interested on Instagram @the_gardeners_cottage_ ). It’s a bit remote, meaning you can’t run to the pharmacy and grab some bandaids. I’m pretty clutzy so this is something I think about as I’m doing repairs and gardening. Also, I’m expecting to have lots of guests and I thought I would do a very mature thing and order a fully stocked First Aid Kit. Begin self-congratulation sequence for adulting.
But guess what? I cut my finger while doing some repairs. Not big, but it needed to be cleaned and bandaged. I wasn’t going to let myself use the “fancy” bandages! My first instinct was just to hold some tissue around it. Seriously. I caught myself doing it. And it’s not like I forgot the First Aid kit. I had consciously rejected the idea of going into the kit and getting myself some of the lovely and easy treatment materials. I questioned myself on not finding myself worthy of some of the abundance of bandages and wipes I had purchased. What the actual hell?
I was purposefully participating in the idea that I wasn’t worth it. Over some damn bandages. Which I bought. Which were in my house. You don’t have to deny yourself care because someone theoretically more worthy might come along and need it.
Once I realized what I was doing I used the kit and took quite a bit of pleasure in those fancy bandages I can tell you. I’m so grateful I caught myself doing this. Have you ever caught yourself doing something similar? Our best human instincts to care and nurture have been so corrupted and turned against us that we literally do not care for ourselves. And I’m not down with that anymore. So use the bandages. Make your annual doctor’s appointment. Rest when you are tired. You don’t have to come last to yourself.
Lots of love, Susie
If you’d like to work on decluttering some of the shoulds and have to’s in your mind, grab a copy of my book A Little Book of Permission.