I’ve never been very graceful about advocating for myself.
It’s usually because I waited WAY too long to actually say something out loud to the appropriate person. As a consummate over-server I had this internal messaging that if only I was the best and took care of everything for everyone else, others would/should automatically notice what I’m doing, understand how I’m feeling, or what I need.
When they didn’t seem to, I would run through the conversation about my boundaries a hundred times in my head—I’m being kind to myself here, the number is way higher! But I was so afraid to just say what I needed out loud and build from that real space, in the present. I was always so busy figuring out all the possible outcomes and what they would mean that I didn’t get to the part where I did the voicing. I know I’m not alone in this.
By the time I actually spit it out the act of doing so felt huge. I had invested so much in it already. To the person I was talking to it usually seemed that I was very upset over something not that significant. To me it felt like it was about my essential worth as a human and that I was alone against the world.
And it was about my essential worth as a human, but not to the person I needed to set the boundary with, but to MYSELF. And I was alone, because even I wasn’t backing my right to set boundaries and ask for what I needed in my own life.
These days I know how to give myself permission to take up my space on the planet. When I find myself rehashing communicating my needs in advance of actually communicating them, I decide to understand that I am allowed to ask for what I need and want. If I don’t get what I want, I can deal with that too, but I’ll never know the response until I can just get it out there.
We withhold permission to speak on our own behalf when we don’t believe our cause is worth it.
You are worth it.
It takes practise and understanding Permission helps. I’ve created a mini-course to teach you how to do it. In the course we’ll go deeper into the concept of Permission, what it is, what it isn’t, where it lives, and give you some tools you can use to learn to actively give it to yourself. A skill you can use over and over again in any situation you need it.
The course goes live on August 1st and retails for $49.99. I’ve got a special Pre-Sale offer to anyone who purchases the course between now and midnight PST July 31st. You’ll get the full mini-course and a digital or audio copy of A Little Book of Permission for only $24.99. That’s a 60% off the regular cost of the materials!
You can grab it here: How to Give Yourself Permission.
And please note: As the course contains a significant amount of intellectual property and is delivered in its entirety on August 1, 2019 there will be no refunds. Please make sure you are interested in making this investment before completing your purchase.
Lots of love and all the Permission you need,